Elford Alley

Hey, I got a live signing event at Amethyst and Ink Books in Lawton Oklahoma on Saturday, October 10th from 1pm to 4pm. Get a signed book, maybe grab some books and merch and support an indie bookstore, hope to see ya there!

When you die there’s a test, and it’s your very last one,
You head across a tightrope bridge over a vast, gaping maw.
Take a breath and keep your balance true, or you’re done,
Left falling face-first into searing breath and a toothy jaw.
And if you make it across without being lost in its jowls,
You’ll find paradise waiting, with ice cream and soft towels!

No rats in the wall
Not one varmint at all
Because you got a spider cat!

There’s more everyday
You can’t scare them away,
Those clever spider cats!

Now they got you wrapped up
And you’ll soon be a husk
Thanks to your spider cats!

They dug up the doctor and his ol’ horse too
All for no reason, just something to do
But their bones were a mess, mixed up and jumbled
So they trot with a wobble and run with a stumble
In the dark they may seem like sinister cutthroats
But you’re fine as long as you carry some oats

You were distracted and now they’re lost
You tried to find them, no matter the cost
It’d been forty years, no hide nor hair
When you heard their whispers, quite a scare!
You swear you saw them behind the door
But you looked and no one was there anymore
You laid down to sleep and a voice in your ear
Said, “Don’t be scared, your time is here.”

A weekend at Gramma’s, oh what fun!
All the woods and creeks and places to run
She’s marked the trees so you know what’s safe
With old animal skulls and nameless graves
Just be gentle with the tiny folks in the garden
And if you bump into faceless Jan, always beg pardon
Try not to think of how you got there or when
If you attempt an escape, she’ll find you again!

We’re at the zoo and off to the races
Cuz all the monkeys have switched their faces
They peeled ‘em off and are in the run
Who knew the zoo could be so fun!